Los Papas

Goodness, I haven't written in a while. I'm seeing so few clients during the summer that even supervision has been more infrequent. Our major task for the summer is to complete progress notes and treatment plans, evaluate the previous school year, and plan for September. Strangely enough, we’re three and a half weeks into the ever-diminishing verano and I have yet to complete one treatment plan.

But let me write about something I have accomplished, sort of. We've started planning for a fathers group that will begin again in the fall. We tried to implement a support group for fathers last year and we had a limited, albeit enthusiastic, response. In particular, three fathers became dedicated members who amazingly felt comfortable enough to discuss their marital relationships and childhood experiences, and how to talk to their kids about sexuality. I write, "amazingly" because these are Latino men who are traditionally very closed to talking about their family cosas with anyone, let alone two female social workers (thankfully, we have one male colleague helping us facilitate).

I also realize that this is not reserved for Latinos and is quite common among males of many ethnicities as it is generally understood that most males are not socialized to be "touchy-feely." On their evaluations of the group, they wrote things like, "It's really important to share with other fathers," and "I want to learn new ways of communicating with my kids." I realize I am feeding into stereotypes, but I am surprised by those comments, especially from "macho" men. In the parenting workshops that we coordinate, almost all of our participants talk about how in their home countries (Dominican Republic, Ecuador, Mexico, Honduras...) most parent involvement in education involved a faja, a chancleta, and a vague mandate to "do well in school." This is a generalization, of course, and has a lot to do with socioeconomic status and previous generations' educational attainment as well.

Despite our few eager dads, my colleague is pessimistic about a successful group next year, and she should know. She works with the after-school program and has daily contact with all the parents. "They tell me they are interested, but I see them throw the flyer out as soon as they turn away from me. They don't want to talk to anyone about their families, and they don't even want their wives to come to a support group; they want their mujeres at home."

In situations like this, it becomes very critical to remember that affecting change in just one family can be a success.